I got home from a very long trip the other day. My family was happy to see me. The dogs were even more happy to see me, but just for a minute. I think they forgot that I had been gone two minutes after I walked in the door.
I had really good intentions about unpacking, doing my laundry, putting the suitcases away, fixing all of the things that had broken on the house while I was gone. I did do some laundry. I did fix a couple of things. I started to unpack. But then, I quit. My suitcases are still in the living room. They are almost empty.
Two days went by. Last night when I got home I found that the dogs had started helping me unpack. The smaller more evil dog (Weez O) had gotten into the suitcase and found a big bottle of aspirin and a big bottle of expectorant (gross).
He chewed up the bottles and spread the pills all over the floor. When I walked in the dogs proudly showed me what they had been up to. My son and I cleaned up all of the pills. While I was getting the vacuum cleaner the less evil dog (Claude) was considering eating some of the aspirin. Only then did I realize that they might have eaten some of the pills. Duh.
I didn’t have any idea how many pills were left in the bottles, how many we had thrown away, how many were in the vacuum cleaner. Darn. I started considering whether I should take the dogs to the hospital. They seemed fine but I didn’t have any way to know if they had been poisoned.
I decided to make them vomit. One time I accidentally made the smaller evil dog vomit when I thought he was eating a sock, so how hard could it be? I tried using my finger which was really stupid. Luckily the dogs tolerated this. They let me keep my fingers. Dogs create a lot of foam when you are trying to gag them. Yuck. I tried a spoon. I tried a bigger spoon.
Finally I looked online and found that you can make dogs vomit by squirting Hydrogen Peroxide down their throat with a turkey baster. I found our turkey baster. It looked like it might be from the first Thanksgiving. The bulb was shot so I taped it on with some psychedelic packing tape. My wife helped hold the dogs. It didn’t go well but after following them around the yard for 15 minutes with a flashlight they did finally vomit. The smaller evil dog had in fact eaten a lot of aspirin, and a sock. The big dog hadn’t eaten any aspirin. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Unpack your suitcase as soon as you get home.